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Being present is about letting go of expectations and reducing the need to analyze outcomes. Just let life wash over you. Experience what you experience. And let others do that, too.

The fall colors have been spectacular in Vermont this week.

I have seen one autumn that was slightly more spectacular, but as you drive or walk through the countryside this week, every turn gives you a new breathtaking view… either a broad vista of dappled hillsides, or a fireworks show right up in your face.

Yesterday, we were treated to even more color.

On our drive up from Connecticut a few days ago, one of our party who had recently been in Vermont was trying to set expectations for the rest of us, particularly for the new visitor who had never been to New England in the fall.

“I’m worried there might not be any color left at all,” they were saying. “It might be only okay, not very beautiful.”

I can understand not wanting people to be disappointed if the show isn’t quite as good as you want it to be. Every year, people pay exorbitant prices to come here to leaf-peep, but it’s always a question as to whether Mother Nature will cooperate.

So, sure, I understand the impulse to soften expectations, but here’s the problem: The new visitor had no idea what to expect. They’d never seen the fall colors in New England before. The expectation-setting was also doubt-seeding. No matter how spectacular the views might be, now there would be a tiny nugget of a doubt that it might not be as good as it could be.

This reminded me of a lesson I learned very early on in my career, when I was new to giving presentations and workshops. One of my mentors told me, “Remember, no one knows what you intended to say. They only know what they hear you say.”

That advice has made it easy to forgive myself when I make mistakes while giving presentations. I’ve seen others, however, suddenly apologize because they didn’t say something the way they had intended, or they skipped something by accident.

The audience does not know your intentions. They will never know they missed something if you don’t tell them you forgot to say it. They only know what they received.

And so it goes with all expectation-setting.

We visited Bread & Puppet during our time in Vermont. Their plays and performances can wander into the surreal and bizarre. We paused to talk to a parking attendant (who might have also been the owner), and he advised us to “not think too much about the play, just let the experience wash over you.”

That’s how I try to experience a lot of life. We get so wrapped up in expectation-setting and evaluation that we forget to just be present and let it all wash over us.

In worrying so much about what we might be missing, we lose track of what we are experiencing. Or, we worry so much about what others might think that we forget to let them simply experience it for themselves, without the filter of our own judgment.

Anyway, that is this week’s blog post from vacation.

My wish for you this week is that your days be punctuated by moments of breathtaking beauty and goodness, and that you find yourself open to letting those moments wash over you.

Don’t think too much about it.

Want to Experience More Presence?

I help people make the most of every day. I help people live creatively, lead confidently, and care courageously. I am no wiser or smarter than the ancient gurus and sages, but I am a skilled and experienced practitioner of synthesizing all that wisdom into a version that is most useful to the person sitting across from me. That’s a skill based on innate talent, perpetual study, thousands of hours of practice, and a long, deep, rich life of diverse experiences.

If you want to tap into that and let life wash over you, grab time on my calendar. Let’s talk.

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Over the past several months, our two most popular workshops have been

• Overcoming Compassion Fatigue
  Compassion fatigue and burnout can affect everyone. We help individuals become more resilient and capable of avoiding and overcoming compassion fatigue. We help teams improve their culture and habits to reduce burnout. And we help leaders learn what causes burnout and compassion fatigue and how they can protect their teams from it while giving them the support they need.
• Flourishing Through Caregiving
  Caregiving is one of the hardest things any person can be called on to do, but it can also be filled with beauty, meaning, and purpose. Without getting sanctimonious or leaning on toxic positivity, we help individuals and families take on a caregiving responsibility without unnecessarily sacrificing their careers, their own health, their relationships, or their identity along the way. Centered around our Three Cs of Caregiving, this workshop covers aspects of project management, clear communication, team culture, personal resilience, and learning to be in control of your emotions instead of governed by them.

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