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This article explores personal agency, executive presence, and self-confidence through two foundational principles: comfort zones as self-imposed boundaries and confidence as a psychological outcome based on empirical evidence rather than emotional hype. Grounded in five years of professional coaching experience across nonprofit leadership, executive career pivots, and caregiver support, the author introduces practical resilience tactics—such as the Success Jar—to help leaders expand their agency, manage impostor syndrome, and build sustained confidence through real-world action.

Two insights I came up with to write on our Small Wisdoms scrolls have been demanding my attention this week. I wrote about 50 different things on our wisdom scrolls, but these two have been haunting me.

I’m not arrogant enough to think I invented these concepts. Nor do I believe I’m the first to string words together in these ways. But I did come up with them independently, so I claim them as my quotes. You can claim them as your quotes if you want. This isn’t about proper citation or promoting how clever I am (though I do want you to think I’m clever).

This is about your personal agency and self-confidence.

Now, I have never known a quote powerful enough to change someone’s entire way of living. As I’ve written before, confirmation bias plays a huge part in the quotes that speak to us. The small wisdoms that would truly change our lives often go unnoticed, while we horde the ones that reaffirm our existing worldview.

Still, a well-timed pearl of wisdom, received with an open mind, can inspire parts of you that may have been dormant or hiding in the wings, waiting for their cue.

The Imaginary Comfort Zone

A comfort zone is a box with imaginary walls.

This one is pretty clear. The only thing keeping you inside your small comfort zone is you. The “box with imaginary walls” phrasing may bring to mind the traditional mime gag, but I think of the dog waiting at the closed gate after the entire fence has been removed.

There is so much fun and joy to be had beyond those imaginary walls that we think we are keeping us safe.

Those walls are invisible and imaginary to everyone else, though. They can see right through. They don’t provide as much safety as we think they do, and they only really hold us back from changing into something much larger and more fulfilled.

I think this quote has been nipping at my heels because it’s a reminder that if I’m the one imagining these walls in the first place, I can simply choose to imagine them somewhere else.

They still exist. I can still keep myself “safe” with them. But I am fully capable of changing the size and shape of my comfort zone at any time.

Easier said than done, of course. Which is why this next quote keeps prodding me, too.

A Fact-Based Confidence Model

Confidence is a feeling based on facts, not a fact based on feelings.

A lot of leadership and life coaches seem to be little more than very loud cheerleaders. Own your power! You are worthy! They’re all about inflating confidence.

I have found that can be useful in short bursts. Like drinking an energy drink to go just a little faster and farther.

The problem with energy drinks and cheerleading is that they don’t change who you are or how you feel about yourself. You can keep up the charade for a while, but the farther you go on this kind of ginned-up inspiration, the more you’ll feel impostor syndrome.

This is because confidence is not a fact based on feelings. You don’t become confident because you created feelings of confidence.

You become confident because you have the evidence and receipts to know you are capable.

I think back to every time I made a major career pivot. Each time, I was stepping into an arena that was entirely new to me in some way. Every time, I felt my confidence grow the more familiar I became.

The more I accomplished, the more confident I became.

This does not surprise you. This feels familiar to you. I don’t have to ask because I know it’s true.

That’s because confidence is a feeling based on facts.

Build Confidence by Trying and Doing

Too often, we hold ourselves back from trying something because we lack the confidence that we think is required. But confidence is never a requirement to accomplish a task. The task does not care how you feel about it.

Confidence is built by trying and doing. Wisdom is built by trying and failing.

One of the small tools of resilience we talk about in our workshops is a Success Jar. That’s just a jar in which you keep reminders of your successes. Write down the things you’ve accomplished or are proud to have done, and put them in a jar. If you’re ever lacking confidence, pull out a few and contemplate them. Or just look at the jar full of slips of paper, and realize how much you’ve accomplished.

Confidence is a feeling based on facts. Your successes are those facts.

How My Own Confidence Has Grown

I look back at my five years of coaching and can see how far I’ve come. How many people I’ve helped. How many diverse, disparate, difficult situations I’ve helped people through. Do I have a 100% success rate? Of course not. If I did, then I’d be inside a very small imaginary box indeed.

Part of my success is raw talent, temperament, and personality. Part of it is the vast diversity of lived experience I have. Part of it is intense study and practice with some of the best in the world.

Last week, I reconnected with a good friend I hadn’t seen in a few years. She said something like, “Your vibe is different. It’s clear you’ve found your path.”

I think that’s why I’ve been reflecting on these two quotes this week.

When I started this latest career pivot into coaching full time, I really didn’t know what I was getting into. Nearly five years later, I have a mountain of accumulated facts that show up in self-confidence.

I tried. Sometimes I failed and gained wisdom. Sometimes I succeeded and gained confidence.

Both help my clients today. And I’ll keep pushing those imaginary walls farther outward, because the more I try, the more clients I help. And the more I try, the more my future clients will benefit from the wisdom I gain.

What Are You Holding Yourself Back From?

I help people make the most of every day. I help people live creatively, lead confidently, and care courageously. I am no wiser or smarter than the ancient gurus and sages, but I am a skilled and experienced practitioner of synthesizing all that wisdom into a version that is most useful to the person sitting across from me. That’s a skill based on innate talent, perpetual study, thousands of hours of practice, and a long, deep, rich life of diverse experiences.

If you want to tap into that, grab time on my calendar. Let’s talk.

Other Things to Do

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