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How can you be both highly fulfilled and still want more? It’s not zero-sum. True, sustainable fulfillment comes from being able to enjoy this moment, right now. If you tie your identity and happiness to achievements (“the prize” at the end of the maze), you’ll probably experience perpetual dissatisfaction. Shift your focus toward a process-oriented mindset (“solving the maze”), and you can unlock curiosity, reduce situational stress, and develop the radical presence required to solve complex personal and professional challenges.

I filled seven pages in my journal this morning. The question on my mind: How can I feel so fulfilled in my life while also wanting more?

It seems like a paradox, but it’s not zero sum. Feelings in this area don’t add up to 100%. I feel 90% fulfilled, but I also experience a feeling of wanting more at about 30% strength.

I’ll spare you the seven pages of wandering introspection and get right to this morning’s answer.

The Maze vs the Treat – Where Joy Truly Lies

Working to solve the maze is where fulfillment lies, but it’s sure nice to pile up some treats.

It’s good to have goals. Goals give us something to aspire to. Well-formed goals can stretch our idea of what’s possible and push us to try harder Joy is never found in the existence of goals, though.

Joy may be found in the attainment of a goal. Put a treat at the end of the maze. Put a championship cup at the end of the tournament. Put a bonus at the end of a project.

Joy can also be found, however, in the process of pursuing the goal. In fact, that may be the only place that true fulfillment can be found. (I’m still arguing with myself about that statement, but I’m leaning that way.)

In my experience, the people who express the most consistent sense of fulfillment are the people who find more joy in the pursuit of a goal than in the attainment of the goal. They love the process of creation. They get off on the challenge. They relish each new learning along the way.

The people who express the least fulfillment are those who are always chasing the next goal. They get frustrated by obstacles. They spend a lot of energy complaining and blaming. They undervalue the lessons available and end up making the same errors over and over.

In my own life, I have somehow unintentionally learned to be incredibly present. I have little trouble switching my attention away from the unmet goal or the stress of the moment in order to focus on what is beautiful and awe-inspiring and intriguing right now.

This sometimes confuses other people. People who need a lot of structure and those who are easily thrown off by unanticipated changes may think I don’t understand how important or bad a situation is. They’re all running around like Chicken Little, and I’m admiring the complexity of the problem that just came up and engaging my creative problem-solving parts.

That’s not to say I don’t suffer from stress from time to time. I’m no zen master. For example, I have a heightened stress response when I have to get somewhere on a timeline. No joke: When I traveled for work a lot, I would often get to SFO in time to walk on to the 8:10 flight to Charlotte, even though I was booked on the 10:30. Seriously.

The Cost of a Prize-Centric Mindset – Lessons from Sports

My ability to be present in the process is one of the reasons I was an outstanding coach in youth recreational sports, but I failed as a competitive youth coach. Competitive sports focus on the prize at the end of the game—winning is the point. In recreational sports, play is the point.

Although winning comes from being remarkably present in every individual play, there’s still a different mindset around the game itself. It won’t matter how much joy Team USA players experience over the next few weeks if they don’t win enough games for their World Cup to be labeled a success.

Radical Presence Instead of Radical Acceptance

It’s easy to apply this philosophy to individual episodes in life. A big project, or a single game. If you look at each episode as a single maze with a prize at the end, you can see how it might be useful to contemplate how you can both desire the prize and enjoy the process of solving the maze.

If you look at the maze as a barrier to happiness, you’ll end up spending a lot of time frustrated and impatient.

I’m not sure how to describe the opposite of that without sounding artificial and superior. I won’t say you should see the maze as the source of your happiness. That’s the logical opposite, but it’s not the right prescription.

It’s more about accepting the reality of what is, right now, without judging it. It’s about detaching from the prize at the end as your source of happiness. Do these things, and joy and curiosity become accessible. Focus on the prize at the end, and joy and happiness are inaccessible until you get to the end.

That way, you can still desire the prize while being able to enjoy the process you’re in.

Life as a Series of Mazes – Pursuing the Right Prizes

Life is a series of mazes. The more you tie your happiness to the prize at the end of each, the less fulfillment you’ll experience along the way. So desire the prize, but don’t count on it making you happy or fulfilling you. Because when you get it, you’ll just find yourself in the middle of the next maze, desiring the next prize.

Instead, desire the prize but seek to be utterly present in the process of solving the maze. If you can accomplish that, you’ll find much more fulfillment and much less stress throughout your life, and you’ll end up with a much greater clarity of which prizes are worth pursuing and which would be just nice to have.

I think that’s how I feel today. Mostly fulfilled most of the time (90%), but still experiencing a feeling of wanting more (30%).

There are prizes I would still like to win, but I’m planning on enjoying the process of getting there more than the arrival itself.

Are You Chasing Treats or Mastering the Maze?

I’ve spent the last decade figuring out how to make the most of every day. It’s an incredibly personal process, and unique for every individual. Life throws us curveballs all the time. Bad things happen. Plans go sour.

But even within all that, you can make the most of every day, too. I can help.

Schedule an exploratory call with me to see if I’m the right one to help you with that. You can also get my book, Take Your Time Before Time Takes You, to get started on your own. It’s a tight collection of exercises, essays, and instructions for making the most of every day.

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