I just got home from an 11-day trip. On the drive home yesterday, we listened to a Hidden brain episode where the guest, Dave Evans (yes, that Dave Evans) said 99.9% brilliant things.

The 0.1%? Okay, it was also brilliant, but it was limited. He said that one reason people lack fulfillment is “destination sickness.”

Destination sickness is essentially the constant pursuit of the next thing. You’re never enjoying the moment because you figure that you’ll finally be happy when you reach the next milestone. The next milestone, of course, does not make you happy, so you aim for the next. And so on.

Then, when these people are lying on their death beds, “They suddenly realize there is no next thing. And then they look back at all the things they ran through and they realized they missed the whole thing.”

Why do I say that’s limited? Because having a next thing is important. Tying your identity to the next thing is where it gets fraught. But having a next thing is essential to lifelong learning, and I for one hope to have several next things left undone when I exit the building.

I am quite certain destination sickness happens to many people. I know some of those people. They are missing the beauty of life, unable to be present in this moment.

I will not be one of those people. I will not miss the joy and celebration and wonder and pride and fear and anguish and uncertainty and all the other amazing things that happen along the way.

That’s why I’m taking this week’s post to bask in all the wonderful things that happened during my 11-day drip. This is a day to pause and reflect on how all my choices, mistakes, and successes led to so many things I’m proud of.

A Wedding

The biggest event of the trip was my son’s wedding. It was a perfect day for a tea party in the park. We adore his wife and think the world of both of them, and it was a joy to get to know her family and meet some of my son’s friends I hadn’t met before. Both my parents made the trip from far away, as did my brother.

I gave a speech, which I hope someone got on tape because frankly it was the highlight of the event, if I’m being totally honest.

I am so proud of my son, who in the span of a week turned 27, was awarded his PhD, and got married.

A Commitment

Another highlight of the event was that my other child got to show up as her true self for the wedding. Regular readers know my oldest child identifies as transgender. I cannot express the depth of gratitude I have to the bride and her family for inviting my trans daughter to be part of the bridal party. Even better, not a soul of the 160+ in attendance seemed to have any reaction to her appearance in a dress and makeup.

Why does this matter? Because she does not yet feel safe coming out in the community where she lives. She still presents as male nearly all the time. Even most of her coworkers believe she is male and call her by her given name—they don’t even know her chosen name.

And as she and I spent time together throughout the day, she told me she is going to commit to her transition over the coming year or two. We don’t yet know how that will go. She may need to move away from where she lives now. And transition is expensive.

I am so proud of my daughter, who has done some amazing things while facing incredible adversity. She’s come a long way in the last seven years.

A Building

Before I left Cancer Support Community to go into coaching in 2022, I helped in some small part to conceptualize and kick off the capital campaign for the new center that is being built in Lafayette, California.

I won’t claim to have had much of a role in the key moments of this project, but I was along for part of the ride that was pivotal in making it happen. I was more adjacent to the project than in the middle of it, to be honest. But what a thrill to see the construction site where the building is going up.

When I was on staff, this building was little more than an aspiration. Soon it will be a world-class example of a cancer wellness center, to be studied by other cancer organizations around the world, in the middle of one of the most advanced oncology regions of the world led by UCSF and Stanford and others.

Yeah, I’m proud of having led the team that is now making this happen.

A Class

Also at Cancer Support Community, on Friday the 22nd of May, Antoinette and I led a workshop on caregiver burnout and compassion fatigue. It reprised the event we did a little over a year ago, and it included much more learning and information from the dozens of workshops we’ve done since.

I’m proud of our commitment to helping people navigate one of the most human of experiences (caregiving) in a world that is being consumed by artificiality and split apart by divisive forces. This is purposeful, meaningful work, and we are good at it.

A Future

The last 11 days created a lot of wonderful, new memories. AND the last 11 days saw several new commitments and re-commitments to growth, learning, support, and community in the future.

While the news is full of layoffs, wars, courtroom strife, election conflict, and much more, it’s reassuring to know that all over the country people are celebrating and learning and growing and gathering in community together.

That’s where the purpose in life is. That’s where you find what truly matters.

Because someday we’ll all be on our deathbeds thinking back on these times. I’m proud of how I’m going through life right now. I’m present. I’m learning. I’m making new mistakes. I’m planning for the future. I’m committing to people I love and the communities I’m a part of.

My wish for you this week is that you also feel good about how you are living your life. If you don’t, maybe we should talk about that. Today would be a good day to make a change.

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